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by Jon Fotch
Being a drunk in the suburbs is tough
You have to always act like you aren't drunk
You can't stumble, or slur your words, or pick a fight
Ever.
You have to walk straight
Look straight
You have to plan your moves far in advance
Otherwise you might slip on the pool deck
This would draw attention
The trick is to operate under some kind of observable routine
They need to see routine
Go to the grocery store
Mow the lawn
If you see someone jogging
—wave
Etc…
Remember always that they're watching
Trash Day is Friday
Have the cans out Thursday night
Everyone has the cans out Thursday night
I put chicken wire around the roses I planted
The rabbits have taken an interest