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by Benjamin Klas
It was a not important day in 1996. But all days are important. Full of very important people. I respect people. Like my caddie. He was Mexican. A very hard worker. But some of them bring drugs over the border. Which is why we need what? And who’s gonna pay for it? Or maybe he was an Indian. Or maybe they say Native American now. I’m a native American. I was born here. Not like Obama. It was very far to the second hole and my caddie gave me the 1 wood. Something Melania likes to call me. But now maybe that’s sexual harassment. Nobody says anything when women say things to men. Women are always saying things to me. I am very attractive. Not like my caddie. I asked him if he was going to see that new movie Pocahontas. 1995. A Friday. Only maybe I said it wrong. Like pock instead of poke. But many of these names. People say names in many ways. There is no way to know how the Indians. Or Native Americans. What did they have, tape recorders? Some people said Pock-ahontas. But Disney says it this other way now. Very good company. Snow White was very beautiful. And Sleeping Beauty. Funny how they’re always sleeping. Why do they need the prince? They keep sleeping. So my caddie’s cheeks turn a little bit pink and he bites his lip like he’s trying not to smile. Like he’s hiding something. You can’t ever really trust a caddie. And I’m not saying this because he was Mexican. Or Indian. But now reporters are gonna call me a racist. The media is always trying. But why would a racist have a caddie who—but always ask for your own club. Friday. June 23rd. 1995. He looks at me and says Poke-ahontas. Which, actually, is how I said it. Poke. But not Polk like James K. Polk who was another president. Very great man. Protected America in the war against Mexico. But he didn’t build a wall. Just a border. And I know how to say the word Pocahontas. And I know about her. Very important woman. An Indian princess. I never saw the movie. I don’t watch many movies. Except very important movies. Hollywood. I know she can paint with all the colors of the breeze. Or wind. Which is actually the same thing. Elizabeth Warren.