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Villanelle

For the Night My Mother Found My Son Stand­ing Over Her Bed

by Lanette Sweeney

 

For this to be the outcome: a dead-eyed sociopath

who lies, steals and cares only for his next fix…

Why did I pour so much love into every bath?

 

Did I review spelling words, cheer him on in math,

teach him to play Scrabble, practice soccer kicks

for this to be the outcome: a dead-eyed sociopath?

 

Should I have scolded more? Not held back my wrath?

Not applauded jokes and puppet shows and magic tricks?

Why did I pour so much love into every bath?

 

Why did I get training wheels to help him on his path?

Why sleepless nights, why adenoid surgery at six

for this to be the outcome: a dead-eyed sociopath?

 

Why helmets? Why hiking? Why carefully charted growth?

Why did I make him eat all those fucking carrot sticks?

Why did I pour so much love into every bath?

 

Why can't he see me drowning in his aftermath?

Did I make him think there was nothing he couldn't fix

for this to be the outcome: a dead-eyed sociopath?

Why did I pour so much love into every bath?